Snow Day  Gourmet
by Sepiktik
Summary: It's the beginning of a new year, and Shizuru and Natsuki make their resolutions. If it quacks like a lemon, is it a lemon?


**Snow Day // Gourmet by Sepikitik**

_Author's note:_ The cake is a lie.

* * *

Snowflakes fell from the sky, forming a soft white blanket on the streets of Fuuka. Children scurried about, laughing and trying to catch the flurries on their tongue. The loud laughter permeated the air, lightening the atmosphere and cheering the hearts of passersby as they passed by.

Natsuki Kuga was not a morning person. She mumbled while trying to orient herself. After clearing her head, she got up from her bed and opened the window to yell at the little brats who had woken her up. After a good few minutes of yelling, the smallest of the children had begun to cry, and the older ones had begun to leave. Satisfied, she slammed her window closed and slid back into bed.

A mob of angry parents had assembled at the door to Natsuki's apartment, ready to give her a piece of their minds. The brave soul leading the pack pounded on the door. Natsuki shifted a bit in her sleep, not terribly bothered.

"Heave! Heave!" shouted the pack. They had acquired a Christmas tree from a nun, Yukariko, who lived nearby. She was initially reluctant to give up her precious tree, but gave in when the mob reminded her that Christmas had passed several days ago and that her tree would be used to purify those who poisoned children's minds with evil. The group backed up, and rammed the trunk of the tree into the door of Natsuki's apartment.

Natsuki woke up, and looked at her clock. It was 12:00. Natsuki Kuga was not a noon person either. She growled, trying to identify what had woken her up. After a few moments, the walls of the apartment began to shake. Natsuki screamed. "EARTHQUAKE!" 

After the trembling continued for a while longer, Natsuki realized it wasn't an earthquake. She opened her door, and found the stump of a tree an inch from her nose. The members of the mob had encircled Natsuki and begun accusing her of tainting their children. Natsuki had had enough. She roared, and the building began to shake again. Natsuki glared at the leader of the pack and told her, "If you all don't leave right now, I have a few ideas of what I'm going to do to you with that tree."

The squadron leader began quaking in her boots. "Retreat! Retreat!" A smoke grenade detonated nearby, and when the smoke had cleared, all that was left on Natsuki's doorstep was the pine tree. Natsuki tugged the pine tree into her apartment, and looked at the clock. It was 12:01. Natsuki suddenly remembered something very, very, very, very, very, very important. "CRAP! I was supposed to meet Shizuru at 10:17!"

Natsuki quickly got dressed in her street clothes, and rushed to her motorcycle. She started it up, and tried to get it to move, but it only rolled slightly. Trying to figure out the cause of this, she examined her tires, and found that the back tire had been slashed. She had learned long ago from Mai that there was only one thing to do in a situation like this. She took her keys, walked to the curb, and stuck her arm out. Natsuki took a few deep breaths to prepare herself for what she was about to do. Bracing herself, she stuck her thumb out and struck a sexy pose.

* * *

Shizuru checked the time on her cell phone, and pondered whether to call Natsuki to remind her about their date. She decided against it when she remembered what happened the last time she woke Natsuki up. It was not pretty. She still had slight marks on her wrists from where they had been bound with handcuffs.

Instead, she called up one of her drivers, and told him to pick her up and directed him towards Natsuki's house. She looked out of her window, musing to herself about how light the traffic was today due to the snow and the approaching beginning of the new year. Shizuru was pleasantly surprised when Natsuki entered her field of vision.

Natsuki had fallen asleep while she was doing her Sexy Pose #17. Shizuru told the driver to pull up close to the girl and to repeatedly honk his horn. The driver pulled up close to Natsuki and repeatedly honked his horn. Natsuki awakened instantly, and became aware of the position her body was in. Shizuru stepped out of the car and walked to Natsuki. "Ara, I was beginning to think you had stood me up."

Natsuki blushed, and replied, "Some little kids woke me up in the morning and I didn't get enough sleep and then I went back to sleep and then these idiots started banging at my door with a tree and then when I realized I was late I went to my motorcycle and found out that someone slashed my tires and then I decided to hitchhike but then I fell asleep and I didn't mean to and I'm sorry and-"

Shizuru cut her off. "Let's go."

During the car ride, Natsuki couldn't forget what had happened earlier, and looked out of her window, trying to protect herself from the merciless teasing she expected any moment now. Shizuru decided to break the ice and try to embarrass Natsuki a little in the process.

"Ara. I don' t think I've seen that one before."

Natsuki was confused. "Seen what?"

"That pose you were just doing."

Natsuki's cheeks became slightly red. "Mai told me I should always be prepared for situations like these."

"I can't wait to see it when you're trying out your new lingerie."

And then Natsuki turned redder than undercooked buffalo meat on a cold winter's morning in Texas.

Finally, they arrived at their destination. The car pulled up at the steps of a small shrine and dropped the girls off. As they walked up the steps, they talked about what their resolutions for the new year would be.

"I'm planning on making you blush at least seven times a day."

"I'm going to limit myself to three blushes a day."

"You should really cut down on your mayo consumption. What you eat in one day could feed a small country for a week."

"You're the same with your tea, aren't you?"

"That's different, tea's good for you."

"Fine, you stop drinking tea and I'll stop eating mayo."

They reached the top and were greeted by the shrine keepers, who gave them two small slips of paper and a pen.

Natsuki couldn't figure out what to do. The keepers enlightened her. "You're supposed to write your resolution on the slip and then put it into that bowl over there," one said while the other gestured towards an ornate bowl.

Natsuki turned to Shizuru. "So we're doing the cutting down thing?"

Shizuru finished writing and nodded. Natsuki grabbed the pen and started writing. After she finished, they both went to put their slips in the bowl. They went back down the steps and entered the waiting car, and began to discuss what they would do from here.

"I was thinking we could just go back to my apartment," Natsuki suggested.

"Natsuki has a dirty mind," replied Shizuru. Natsuki was not phased.

Shizuru was disappointed in her failure and began to sulk. Natsuki said, "I'm not letting you out of my sight. I'm not going to let you drink any more tea. You're staying with me until you can't take it anymore and you start drinking tea and I win."

"We never decided that this would be a game."

"It is now."

The car pulled up to a house about seven or eight. Natsuki yelled to the cabby, "Yo homes, smell ya later." She looked at her kingdom, she was finally there, to sit on her throne as the Prince of Bel Air.

Shizuru was quite puzzled by this turn of events, but refrained from commenting about it. She sent her driver off and walked with Natsuki to her apartment. They just sat in her living room.

There was an elephant in the living room. Neither of them talked, they just sat on opposite sides of the room, waiting for the other to succumb to the desire of food. A sudden breeze blew, making the limbs of the pine tree wave. Tumbleweeds tumbled across the living room.

Several hours had passed without either of them making a move. Natsuki decided to go on the offensive. She prepared a cup of tea, and went back to her position across from Shizuru. She took a sip from the cup, and then set it down next to her. Shizuru's mouth watered. If Natsuki would play dirty, then she would too.

Shizuru went into the kitchen and took a 5-gallon container of mayo out of the refrigerator. She returned to her seat, and prepared herself for the eating of the mayo. Shizuru raised the container above her head, uncapped the bottle, and squeezed. Several drops of mayo fell through the air in slow motion, with an acceleration of -9.8m/s2. Shizuru winced at the sudden burst of physics and the foul taste of the mayonnaise in her mouth. But she would endure. She squeezed more tightly and opened her mouth wider, trying to minimize the contact with her tongue.

Natsuki had lost this round. The tea she prepared had cooled down and lost its appeal to Shizuru, while she was entranced by Shizuru eating the mayo. At a loss for what to do, Natsuki decided to prepare another cup of tea. She suddenly remembered how Haruka called Shizuru 'Bubuzuke Woman,' and decided to prepare some rice to go with the tea.

Meanwhile, Shizuru wiped her mouth in disgust. She would not subject herself to this horrible taste while Natsuki was not in the room. The mayo was beginning to burn her throat. The caustic substance was corroding the lining of her esophagus. She desperately needed something to wash away the taste. She heard Natsuki's footsteps and quickly resumed chugging the mayo.

Natsuki returned to her place. She set the bowl of rice on the floor and covered it in tea. She waved her hand in the air, wafting the scent towards Shizuru. This combination weakened Shizuru's defense. Shizuru stood up, grabbing the container of mayo, and went to Natsuki's bathroom to take a nice cold shower. The shower momentarily helped clear her thoughts of tea, but she quickly realized that she wouldn't win this battle by staying on the defensive. She cast Upper to regain her defenses and returned to the living room.

Through some mysterious cosmic event, Shizuru had forgotten to take off her clothes while taking her shower and was now dripping wet on the carpet of Natsuki's apartment. She looked over towards Natsuki and saw the bowl of rice and tea, and her defenses instantly crumbled. Her vision became clouded, and she began seeing everything as food. As a last resort, she squeezed the bottle of mayo in a tight grip and began to eat as much as she could.

Natsuki was also suffering from withdrawal. With her mind and vision clouded, she began seeing Shizuru as a giant mayo dispenser. Neither of them could take it any longer and they charged towards their desired foods. Natsuki collided with Shizuru and they ended up entangled on the floor.

Natsuki began unwrapping the wet packaging of her mayo dispenser. Meanwhile, Shizuru had tried her best to remove the barrier preventing her from reaching her rice and tea. Shizuru grabbed one of Natsuki's rice balls, and decided to play with her food before she ate it. She licked around the surface and then bit down roughly. Natsuki moaned and screamed. She couldn't understand what was happening. Her mayo dispenser was attacking her.

Natsuki tried to take the cap off of the mayo dispenser, but alas! She could not remove the cap. She tried using her teeth to remove the cap, but nothing happened. Shizuru moaned underneath her, wondering why her food was biting at her neck. Natsuki wondered. Perhaps this was one of those newfangled dispensers where you had to push a button to get to the mayo. Natsuki reached down towards the middle of the dispenser and pushed a small button. The container moved under her, but no mayo came. She decided to move her mouth to the opening where the mayo came out while continuing to push the button. Perhaps if she tried hard enough, she would get her mayo.

Shizuru, having gotten her fill of rice, decided to go for the tea. Somehow the platter of food under her had been turned around the other way, with the rice balls on the other side. She reached into Natsuki's teapot, probing to see if there was any tea. It was very moist, so Shizuru decided to lap as much tea as she could from the opening. After several more minutes, spurts of mayo and tea entered the mouths of Natsuki and Shizuru. Having gotten their fill, they drifted off to sleep.

* * *

The mob had reassembled and this time came back with reinforcements. The squadron leader turned to one of her comrades. "We'll get her for sure this time. We brought the junior corps as well!"

The children were leading the way this time. The stronger boys were rushing at the door while the girls were cheering them on. Finally, the door came down. Everyone was shocked at what they saw inside. Two naked girls were entangled on the floor of the living room, surrounded by mayo and tea and rice and a pine tree. Reactions ranged from "OMG HAWT" to "SHIZURU-SAMAAAAA" to "How immoral!"

The squadron leader decided to take charge. She boldly stepped into the room and let out a resounding scream, waking Shizuru and Natsuki. She screamed at Natsuki. "You demon! You are poisoning the minds of innocent children yet again!"

Natsuki glared at the leader. "Do you remember what I said I'd do to you if you came here again?"

"Retreat! Cover your asses!" Within seconds, the crowd dispersed.

The landlady had come down to see what the commotion was. She was slightly surprised when she saw the broken door and the girls inside the room. But it didn't matter much. After all, she had insurance. She went back to her office and called up a repairman to fix the door.

Inside the room, Natsuki started talking about their resolutions. "How about we forget about what we said we'd do, for the sake of our sanity?"

"Ara. I wouldn't mind doing this again."

"What? OMG!" Natsuki blushed and blood spurted from her nose, covering her face in a deep dark red. She passed out from the loss of blood.

Shizuru looked at Natsuki's face. Perhaps she hadn't gotten Natsuki to blush seven times that day, but that lovely shade of red was worth a million blushes. She separated herself from Natsuki and prepared herself a pot of tea.

* * *

_Author's note:_ And that's it. There are a bunch of interesting words which get used in lemons. Womanhood. Love button. Teapot. Perhaps I may not have a love button, but I do have a teapot. I challenge someone to write a lemon using the word "bikerhood." Go for it.

_Author's note, deuxième partie: _The author's muse has been kidnapped by ninjas! Are you a bad enough reviewer to rescue inspiration? And after that, let's go for a burger. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!


End file.
